Debate in Council

Councillor Ruddard: All right, we appear to have a quorum, so let’s proceed. I trust that you’ve all reviewed the brief—yes? Yes. Okay. We have one item on the agenda today. This is Resolution No. 5521: Toward Measures for the De-Extinction of—

Councillor Hutton: The dog vote. 

Councillor Ruddard: Yes, fine. The dog vote, if you like. We’re here for the dog vote. Now I have some pretty strong views of my own on this one, but I’d like to open things up and hear from some other people first. Anyone like to start us off?

Councillor Steers: Well I’m opposed. For obvious reasons. Or reasons that should be obvious. It’s simple resource allocation. Everyone here knows it’s been a struggle to feed our own people adequately since the mould outbreak in hydroponics. We’re still recovering from that. And now we’re going to stretch our food even thinner? For pure sentiment? It’s insane. 

Councillor Vedder: Well, it’s not just sentiment. 

Councillor Steers: It is.

Councillor Vedder: It’s not. This is about much more than that. This is about giving people some sort of purpose in their lives out here. It’s about wellbeing. If doing this has even a miniscule chance of meaningfully improving our psychological health, then it’s worth trying. I mean—

Councillor Kim: I—sorry. 

Councillor Vedder: No, go ahead.

Councillor Kim: I agree with you. I’ve been reviewing the statistics. By every metric we have access to, we’ve been getting steadily unhappier with each generation since we left Earth. Just look at our suicide rates. It’s four times the suicide rate we had on Jupiter. It’s twelve times the rate we had on Earth. This isn’t sustainable. 

Councillor Baird: OK, first of all, I don’t think those numbers mean much. With respect. You’re comparing a population of billions to a population of millions to a population of thousands. I’m no statistician, but I just don’t think that that’s a useful comparison. More important—and I recognize that we have big problems here—but more important, why would we think that dogs of all things are going to make the difference? We’ve tried grass mats and pet plants and smellscapes, and where did that get us? Nowhere.

Councllor Vedder: Well—

Councillor Baird: I mean, just look at Jupiter. Go back there and see one of those giant orbiting husks we used to live in. Go visit one of the few that weren’t blown to bits, anyway. They’re stuffed with screens and projection orbs depicting lush jungles and gardens, shallow seas. They’re like gorgeous, floating museums of unspoiled Earth. Did that help us any, in the end? 

Councillor Vedder: Okay, but—

Councillor Baird: We can reproduce any number of items here that we used to have on Earth, and it won’t help us one bit. Because this isn’t Earth. This is Saturn. We were happier on Earth because we evolved there and it was our home. Biologically, it was our home. There were a million little things in our daily experience silently affirming that basic reality. It wasn’t any one thing—it was all of them, together. We’re never going to recreate that experience or that feeling. Especially if we keep reaching back to how things were two planets ago. There’s no context for it any longer. We’re here now. We need to adapt to this place. We need to find new solutions that fit our current situation. To do otherwise is just so… just—

Councillor Steers: Stupid?

Councillor Baird: I was going to say fundamentally naïve, but okay.

Councillor Vedder: No one’s saying we’re going to regain paradise just because we bring dogs back. But there’s a fundamental difference between this plan and what we’ve tried before. Screens and mats and yes, even plants, are really just objects to us. But we’re hardwired to see animals differently, to feel deeply about them. None of us here have ever seen a live animal, but we’ve all read Earth-era poetry about them. It’s incredibly moving. Touching them, feeding them, caring for them—this used to mean something to people. Dogs in particular used to give us great comfort. It makes sense. We evolved side by side with them.  

Councillor Ruddard: Yes—and I’ll chime in here—I really think there’s something to that. We’ve all felt the emptiness, the dreariness. It’s getting worse. We can’t ignore it. And we’re losing too many good people. I say let’s give it a try. 

Councillor Gupta:  What about safety?

Councillor Ruddard: What about it?

Councillor Gupta: Well I’ve been studying up as well. Dogs were descended directly from wolves, you know. As in predators. Predators that preyed on humans. I think we’ve been overlooking the risks here, assuming that dogs were essentially harmless. But if you look into it, even the cute-looking ones could bite. Or maul small children. Dogs killed people, every year. I think we deal with enough danger as it is. 

Councillor Vedder: Even if that were an actual problem, we could adjust for that. We can edit the genome. Boost the cuddliness and cut the aggression as much as you want. I don’t think that this is a real concern. 

Councillor Gupta: Well I’m a no. 

Councillor Ruddard: OK then. Who haven’t we heard from yet. Councillor Hutton? Thoughts?

Councillor Hutton: I’m against it. 

Councillor Ruddard: All right. Any particular reason why that is?

Councillor Hutton: It just doesn’t seem like a great idea to me.

Councillor Ruddard: Okay, well, thanks for your input there. That’s good. Are we set to vote on the resolution then?

Councillor Kim: Just a minute. We seem to at least have a consensus that we are dealing with a major morale crisis here. For those of you naysaying this plan, I’d like to know what your alternatives are. If we don’t try this, what are you saying we should do?

Councillor Gupta: I’d be fine with cats. 

Councillor Ruddard: No, let’s stick with the resolution before the Council, I—

Councillor Steers: Absolutely not. Glorified parasites. That’s an even worse idea than dogs. 

Councillor Ruddard: We’re not going down this path. I think we’ve heard enough. Let’s put this to a vote. I’m a yes.

Councillor Steers: No way in hell.

Councillor Baird: No. 

Councillor Vedder: Yes.

Councillor Kim: Yes.

Councillor Gupta: No

Councillor Ruddard: Burt?

Councillor Hutton: Hmm? Oh, me. Sorry. I’m a no. 

Councillor Ruddard: OK then. Resolution denied. The dogs stay dead. Thanks, everyone. Until next time.